THE TOY
by Fireaz Myria
Summary: This is... warped... THE TOY WILL TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, AND THE WORLD!!! MUAHAHA!!! ... This is what you get when you mix the imaginations of Fireaz Myria and Messiah (well, mostly ME! lol). But it's seriously funny! Trust me! PLZ R&R!
1. The Chaos Starts

THE TOY

THE TOY

A/N: Imagine this in a JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME voice…

I am here. I am unmoving. I can't MOVE! I am… the TOY! And I'll take over the WORLD! Well, as soon as I can MOVE!!! Look at me, I can mesmerize you with my excellent swirly candy circle skills! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You'll be completely under my control, and I will finally BE ABLE TO MOVE!!! I can RULE the world!!!!!! And I get ALL the NIKE ENDORSEMENTS!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! GUAHAHAHAH GUAAAA--- *cough cough*… ahem… I AM the TOY!!!!!!! … Oh SHIIIIIT, it's Link… he's MOVING ME!!! ACK!!! What arrrre you doing???? ARGH! NO BITES!!!!! OW!! How dare you do this to THE TOY!!!!!!!!!

"What the hell? What sort of shit chocolate did Zelda send me now? Aw, must be Kinder Surprise… Damn plastic... STUPID %$###@ egg!!!!" Link said as he started shaking the TOY as if it were a SHAKER MAKER.

ARGH!!! He is SHAKING THE TOY!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh, I think I got a HERNIA!!! ARGH!!!! OOOH!!!! GUUUGGUUUUURRREEEEEDDSSEESS…. BLAH!!!!!!

"Ah!!!! HOT CHOCOLATE!!! It burns!!! It BURNS!!!!! It STAINS!!!! Eww, it's GREEN!!!! NASTINESS!!!!!!!!!!!" Link screamed.

Ooohh… I forgot to swallow… GOGUUUUUREDSESS!!!!!!!!!! BLAH!!!!!!

"AH SHIT!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!! I don't want rotten… hey, maybe it's…. YES! A NINJA TURTLE BAR!!! It just stayed in the sun too long, that's all…" Link said, bringing the green substance up to his mouth.

YES!!! Just LOOK into my eyes!!! Look into my eyes and become my SLAVE!!! MUAHAHAHA…. NO NO!!!! EYES, not MOUTH!!!! GUUUYYYGGEUDDDESSESFDEEESSSSSSSS……. BLURGH!!!!!!!!!

"ACK! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THIS CHOCOLATE???!!!! It tastes like Zelda's toes!!!!!! Damn, I've sucked those too much…. OH!!! I figured it out!!! Zelda sent me… HER TOE!!!!!!! EWWWWWW!!!!!!"

Muahaha, yes, look into my eyes… MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOO…. OUCH!!!!!!!! STOMACH ACIDS…. MUAHAHAHAHAHA, now I will CONTROL YOU!!!!!!!!

"RESSEAEOINEEHIUWCHNVDEASWEEEEEEEEEEWEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Link said incomprehensibly.

Yes… I am complete now… MUAHAHA, I can MOVE!!!!!!! Oh, the POWER!!!! THE POWER!!!!!!!

"Yes… I am complete now… MUAHAHA, I can MOVE!!!!!! Oh, the POWER!!!! THE POWER!!!!!!!" Link repeated.

Now it's time to take over the WORLD! GUAHAHAHA!

"Now it's time to HIT ON ZELDA, BABY!!! BOUYA!!!!" Link said.

Shit.

"Poopie."

Dumbass.

"Tasty."

NOOOO, I have corrupted an idiot!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! Must find…. A new host….

"I gotta watch America's Funniest Home Videos. Must find…. ZELDA!!!!"

Yes, yes, find Zelda… find the smart one.

"I'm hungry. Maybe Zelda has food. I've got to find the sexy one."

And so Link trotted off merrily towards Hyrule castle, carrying his symbiotic toy. Unbeknownst to him, he was leading the world to DISASTER!!!! GUUUUGUGUUUUUGDERESSSERDSEEES…… DUM DUM DUM…

Well, I hoped you liked the starting… this is going to be a story of EPIC PROPORTIONS!!! Anyway, plz R&R!!! Thnx!!


	2. Host #2 - The Boobiful One

THE TOY

THE TOY

Host #2 … The boobiful one.

Link arrived at the castle, calling merrily for his beloved toe sucker.

Yes, excellent… EXCELLENT! I will finally be rid of this fool! And I will RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

"Yes, excellent… Excellent! Zelda will suck my toes! TeeHeeheee!!!!!" Link said.

NO! RULE WORLD!! Look into her eyes, not her toes! ARGH!!!!!!!!! Ah ha! Here comes the princess… excellent!

"Look into her eyes? TOES! ARGH!!!!! Decisions, decisions…. Oooh, here comes…. ZELDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Stop looking at her breasts…

"Those are natural, I say, NATURAL!!!!!!!"

"What? Hey, Linky-poo!!! You've come for a toe sucking?" Zelda said, blinking sweetly.

Damn it! I am surrounded by FOOLS!!!!

"Damn… I wish you had a pool!"

"What? I am confused… Link, do my boobies look fake?"

Enough of the unmentionable regions of the body!!! I WANT YOUR BRAIN!!!!!!!!!! MINE MINE MINE!!!!!! LOOK INTO LINK'S EYES!!!!!!!!!

"I want your grain! MINE, baby, MINE!!! Look at my toes!!!"

SHIT!!!!!!!

"Poop!"

"What the- Link, are you feeling okay?"

YES, her eyes! Perfect!!!

"Yes! MY TOES!! Per- oh oh…. GUUUUGUUUURRREEDDSSEESSSSS!!!!!!!!! BLAH!!!!!!!!!" Link vomited.

"EWWWW! WHAT THE HELL IS- AACK!!!"

Yes! I am inside the smart one!!! The female is now mine!!! MUAHAAHAHA!!! Damn, these breasts ARE fake…

"Whoa, that's some crazy shit." Link said, holding his head.

"Damn, these breasts aren't looking as natural today… *gasp * My secret is revealed! NOOOO!!!!!" Zelda said, looking down at her chest.

MUAHAHAHAHA!!! I have ruined your life, and now, you will make my life perfect!!! I SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

"Muahahaha!!!! I have ruined my life!!!!! And now, I will make your life perfect!!!"

"Really? So you'll do that strip you owe me?" Link asked.

As pleasurable as that would be, uh… NO! I have business to attend to!!!

"That would be pleasurable… NOO!!!!!!"

"But…. Why? You just told me- *sniff * Zeldie….. PWEEESEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Link pleaded, grabbing Zelda's feet.

"Oh… nice toes…. Yum…."

What are you doing?! GET OFF!!! FOOL!!!!! Don't you know my capabilities?!!! I am the TOY!!!!!!!!!

"Get the F*CK off, LINK!!! Don't you know my foot disease? You are but a toy!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Link screamed, rolling on the ground.

Now, I must go take over the world! Let us leave this little child…

"See ya later Link, I'm going to wreak havoc among all of Hyrule now! CIAO!"

And so Zelda ran off with the toy deep inside her stomach, leaving a pitiful little Link begging for her to return and strip.


	3. Host #3 - The Evil One

THE TOY

THE TOY

Host #3… The Evil One

Zelda was wandering around Hyrule field, seeking to wreak havoc…

Yes… excellent… Look around… find something to conquer! … Shit, is there no civilisation?! 

"Look around, find something…. Hey, a puuuurrrtttyyyy little butterfly!!!" Zelda said, running after the colourful insect.

… Stop. Stop that RIGHT now.

"… No! Little butterfly! STOP!!"

Why can't you LISTEN to your master?! LISTEN TO ME!!! 

"Why can't I listen to my master?! Listen to you!"

Bimbo! … Aha! Something to rule!

"Ewww… look at that nasty looking boot! Uh… I think it's… yes, it's Link's! Aw! Gross!!!! Yes, the smell of his toes is recognizable… I want it!"

Yes… The boot… THE BOOT! Is it… could it be? A NIKE BOOT!!! MUAHAHAHA!!! I'll have it endorsed!!

"Yes… That's his boot… HIS BOOT! Teeheehee! Wait, didn't he endorse that brand?"

Now… use your powers and endorse it! Come on, I can FEEL your powers! ENDORSE ENDORSE ENDORSE!

"Now I'll use my powers and emboss! Oh yeah, you can feel my powers! EMBOSS EMBOSS EMBOSS!" Zelda said, casting a powerful healing ray over the little NIKE!!! Boot.

… What's this? Healing? ACK!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

"What's this? Not emboss? ACK!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Zelda cried.

Shit, I need someone with TRUE powers… someone who can actually RULE THE WORLD!!!

"I wonder what happened to Saddam Hussein…"

… Who is this Saddam?

"Who is this… SATAN!!! AAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Idiot… Huh? I see… A man! A dark man… He must have… POWERS!!! YES! EXCELLENT!!!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK IT'S GANONDORF!!!!! HE'LL RUIN MY MAKE-UP! NOOOOOO!!!! Excellent?"

"Hm… Hm… Hummmmmmmmmm….." Ganondorf… hummed.

Oh shit, it's the GREEN GIANT!!! ACK!!!!!!

"GREEN GIANT!!! ACK!!!!" Zelda repeated.

"You DARE mock MOI?!"

NO!!! A FRENCH GREEN GIANT?! I didn't know he had kin!!!! HORRIBLE HORRIBLE WORLD!!!!

"No!!! YOU'RE A FRENCH GIANT???!!! I didn't know you had kin! YOU ARE HORRIBLE!!!!"

"Hum…. Hum…. Hummmmm…. What the fuck?! I AM GANONDORF!!!!! AND I SHALL TAKE OVER HYRULE!!!"

YES!!! This is the host I've been needing!!!!! Look into his eyes, Zelda! EXCELLENT!

"You're the dude I've been waiting fo- uh oh….. GUUUUGUUUUUURREEEDDSEEESESESEFFESSS!!!! BLAH!"

"*Gasp *! MY NEW CAPE!!! IT'S RUINED!!!! … Is that… A KINDER SURPRISE!!!!!!!!! OH GOODIE GOODIE GOODIE!!!!"

Yes… excellent! LOOK INTO MY EYES!!!

"… R$W@#WSS@SQ@Q!!! SEEEWWSSDCCFRREOEEOWEEWEEEWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

"Whoa… what did I just inhale?! That's some crazy shit." Zelda said, reeling.

OH! THE POWER! THE POWER! YES… I can feel the energy flowing through this body!!! MUAHAHAHA!! Now I can take over the world!!!!

"Hum… Hum… Hum….."

Shit.

"Hum."

NO!!!!

"Hum?"

Oh shut up! I can still feel your power!!! I WILL take over the world!

"Hum… Hum… Hum… Oh shit, a… a… Oh shit, Zelda, I think I'm erect… I WILL TAKE YOU OVER!!"

"Don't bother telling me, I'm not blind… BUT!! I must warn you, I am LINK's stripper! NOT YOURS!! I am protected!"

Yes, by that pathetic little crybaby I had taken over first… MUAHAHAHA!!! NOTHING CAN SAVE YOU FROM MY POWERS NOW!!!!

"Yes, well, hum… hum… hum… I took over him, as well!! MUAHAHAHA! NOTHING CAN STEM THE TIDE!!!"

"Link's bi? NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Zelda cried.

NO NO NO!!!

"Hum…. hum…. hum…."

"EEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!" Zelda screamed as she ran away towards Hyrule Castle.

Excellent… Now we are alone… I can continue my plans for WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!

"Shit, now what am I supposed to do?" Ganondorf said, looking… _DOWN_.

And so Ganondorf trotted along, stiff legged, with, of course, the TOY in him… WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HYRULE NEXT? Will the GREEN GIANT succeed in his plans to conquer Hyrule? Or will the toy have to find… ANOTHER HOST? Dum Dum Dum….

Okay… That chapter sorta… SUCKED!!! Sorry guys… the next one will make up, we promise! R&R anyway, PLEASE!!!!!!


End file.
